I'm not asking you to cover for me. I can handle myself.
It's as I've been saying. If I'm going to die here I want it to be because I did something to deserve it. Not because I did nothing and simply waited around for someone to kill me.
If you'd like, you're welcome to stay with us tomorrow night. Obviously the room will be a little cramped, but it can offer you an alibi.
[Obviously he won't be willing to cover if Cumore leaves at any point during the night, but there's no reason he has to offer that up right away either. Dist likely feels the same way.]
I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know how feasible it is for us to do anything about those who have already died. If the Twilight is going to collapse next week, we may not be able to save any of them. If it comes down to it, I will let them die if it means saving myself.
[The only one he really cares about over there is Pizza, after all.]
If you die, I can't guarantee I'll be able to do anything to help you.
[...]
I... may have an idea for how to turn Rembrandt against the Lady. I won't lie to you - I have no idea if it will actually work. But if I'm right, there is a possibility that we'll survive this.
Just stop it already, will you? Because I really don't think you understand.
[His tone is back to that bright, aggressively flippant tone he's been taking with people all week; he's smiling, he sort of hates it.]
Before all of this, I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough and did what was necessary, I would get what I was destined for. I would have power, but I would also have adoration. Everyone was going to love me, whether they wanted to or not.
It's funny, though. Spend enough time in a place like this and none of that matters anymore. None of it! Dist cares about me. You care about me. Hell, if you want to hear something truly surprising, Teru Mikami cares about me. And it actually disgusts me right now because of how little it matters.
[His words are picking up speed, oddly pressured in a way that they usually aren't; he shakes his head a bit, though that forced, aggressively bright tone isn't leaving him.]
I don't know what I want anymore. But all the ramblings about hope and trust and unity and survival are getting tiresome. I've never felt like this before, but at this point I would do anything to make it stop.
You aren't the only one dealing with that, you know. I gave up on the idea of returning to Nohr weeks ago.
[It doesn't get any easier to admit, even though he didn't have much tying him to Nohr in the first place.]
Nohr doesn't have what I truly want, and were I to go back and take over, I doubt it would be fulfilling. So I've altered my goals, and I've chosen to leave my options open for the time being.
I may not understand everything you're experiencing right now, but I understand enough. Realizing that what you thought you want is ultimately meaningless is far more difficult than anything else we've been forced to deal with here.
If you've decided that the only way to make it all stop is to kill and possibly die for it, then I won't stop you. I don't have any further arguments for you. All I ask is that you consider your options carefully and that if you do kill, make it as difficult for them to pinpoint you as possible.
I'm going to find a way to survive this, no matter what it takes.
I've never asked you to stop me. I've never asked for your concern, either, or for your arguments, or for you to talk me out of doing anything. Don't act like my actions are a threat to you or your damn survival in any way, and if you're going to insinuate that I'm disposable like that again, be a dear and put it in words to my face.
I'm not refusing your offer because I'm set on killing anyone, but because an alibi provided by you is useless and we both know it, and because I'm ultimately disinterested in watching you and Dist fawn over each other all night. I can manage on my own.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's as I've been saying. If I'm going to die here I want it to be because I did something to deserve it. Not because I did nothing and simply waited around for someone to kill me.
no subject
[Another pause, though this one's fairly brief.]
If you'd like, you're welcome to stay with us tomorrow night. Obviously the room will be a little cramped, but it can offer you an alibi.
[Obviously he won't be willing to cover if Cumore leaves at any point during the night, but there's no reason he has to offer that up right away either. Dist likely feels the same way.]
no subject
[It's immediate, abruptly so. He's not sure what about this is making him prickly, but...]
I don't see why you're deciding to be concerned about me now. I've been fine on my own so far.
no subject
I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know how feasible it is for us to do anything about those who have already died. If the Twilight is going to collapse next week, we may not be able to save any of them. If it comes down to it, I will let them die if it means saving myself.
[The only one he really cares about over there is Pizza, after all.]
If you die, I can't guarantee I'll be able to do anything to help you.
[...]
I... may have an idea for how to turn Rembrandt against the Lady. I won't lie to you - I have no idea if it will actually work. But if I'm right, there is a possibility that we'll survive this.
no subject
[His tone is back to that bright, aggressively flippant tone he's been taking with people all week; he's smiling, he sort of hates it.]
Before all of this, I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough and did what was necessary, I would get what I was destined for. I would have power, but I would also have adoration. Everyone was going to love me, whether they wanted to or not.
It's funny, though. Spend enough time in a place like this and none of that matters anymore. None of it! Dist cares about me. You care about me. Hell, if you want to hear something truly surprising, Teru Mikami cares about me. And it actually disgusts me right now because of how little it matters.
[His words are picking up speed, oddly pressured in a way that they usually aren't; he shakes his head a bit, though that forced, aggressively bright tone isn't leaving him.]
I don't know what I want anymore. But all the ramblings about hope and trust and unity and survival are getting tiresome. I've never felt like this before, but at this point I would do anything to make it stop.
no subject
[It doesn't get any easier to admit, even though he didn't have much tying him to Nohr in the first place.]
Nohr doesn't have what I truly want, and were I to go back and take over, I doubt it would be fulfilling. So I've altered my goals, and I've chosen to leave my options open for the time being.
I may not understand everything you're experiencing right now, but I understand enough. Realizing that what you thought you want is ultimately meaningless is far more difficult than anything else we've been forced to deal with here.
If you've decided that the only way to make it all stop is to kill and possibly die for it, then I won't stop you. I don't have any further arguments for you. All I ask is that you consider your options carefully and that if you do kill, make it as difficult for them to pinpoint you as possible.
I'm going to find a way to survive this, no matter what it takes.
no subject
I'm not refusing your offer because I'm set on killing anyone, but because an alibi provided by you is useless and we both know it, and because I'm ultimately disinterested in watching you and Dist fawn over each other all night. I can manage on my own.
no subject
[He moves to stand and starts toward the door, pausing once he gets there.]
Good luck, if you decide to go through with it.
[There isn't anything angry or cruel in the words; a simple statement, nothing more. With that, he takes his leave.]